im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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