i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
tell me about the fingering
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