And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
