I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
