I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
