he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
