don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my shit smells like andre
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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