Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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