i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
