Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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