i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Houston, we have a squirter
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
