this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
