My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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