I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
