Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
