i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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