Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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