do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
