coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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