Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they're like a gay fantastic four
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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