Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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