The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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