seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
