Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
