I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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