3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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