I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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