if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
