you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
