The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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