My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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