the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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