the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I looked at my own cervix.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
