Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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