with your own penis?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's the barista slut.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
