my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
