He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
