guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
