i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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