Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
