she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need moral support for this bender
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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