tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
