apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
