YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
