It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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