I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
