We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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