im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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