You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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