If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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