Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
